What makes you feel secure?
Is it money? Is it attention or friends or relationships? Health? Your work? Where you live? A morning coffee routine? A quiet place to sleep? Maybe you live in the city? Endorphines after a run, a car that runs?
For example, I can get myopically focused on one thing, like finances. But lately, I've been over-focusing on retirement. While it is a couple of decades away, I still get stuck in hyperfocus that rips me out of the present.
Years ago, I sat in my corporate job searching for my "why."
To solve complex problems.
To support my colleagues in their roles.
But I often had to go deeper:
To support my daughters
To provide a home for us
To provide food, healthcare, transportation, education, and a secure place to live
When the time came, I left that job and returned to school to get a Master of the Arts in Creative Arts Therapy Counseling to become a licensed professional counselor and art therapist. I remember sitting in school on the brink of happy tears because I was so in love with what I was learning; I was expanding on what I already knew to be true. Connecting with people through art provides a means of profound transformation.
I've now remarried. My kids are in (and done with) college. They're no longer the fourth and seventh graders who need the same level of guidance and attention. Instead, they are genuinely forging their way in the world and rely on me in a very different way now. This has allowed me to shift my attention to my finances in anticipation of retirement. And while my forty-something self would like to think I will have lots of energy to work into my seventies, I know better than to assume that.
Although I've been thinking about retirement for years, all this extra attention created a myopic worldview. Every time I thought about it, I started to feel a weight descend on my chest. Coupled with the volatility in the market, I had to start looking for other things that provide security, such as:
My health and the health of my family and friends.
Connecting genuinely with people I care for and who care for me.
Providing expression through art for self and others.
Access to museums to view art.
Listening to the birds.
Going for walks.
Speaking out on social issues.
Having the freedom to live according to my ethics and values.
Being a positive, uplifting presence for people in my life.
Time with our pets.
Yes, these things change and can be taken away instantaneously. But for today, it grounds me in the present; most of them are free. When I feel overwhelmed or stuck, remembering this simple list helps. Make a list of what enables you to feel secure and grounded. You might surprise yourself! You might also like my blog entry on affirmations if you found this helpful.